


We built it up so high and now I'm falling (it's a long way down)

by niallerisababe



Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Gen, Liam-centric, M/M, Mostly Canon Compliant, Music, but Ziam is mayne, but no Cheryl, haha get it I made a pun, liam is sweet, lotsa angst, please just read it :), probably some future Zigi, solo!Zayn, sorry - Freeform, sorry but no, that's the main ship, there's also slight Lilo and Narry, zayn is kinda a jerk, ziam
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2017-02-28
Packaged: 2018-09-24 19:04:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9780806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/niallerisababe/pseuds/niallerisababe
Summary: Liam is falling, trying to find and fix himself in the aftermath of Zayn's departure from the band, and he doesn't know if he'll ever truly be happy again -- because once upon a time, Zayn was his happiness and he thought he meant more to Zayn than he apparently did, and look at the two of them now. Zayn, flying high with a supermodel girlfriend and an album, and him, crushed and heartbroken, using music and his three remaining best friends as an escape. And it hurts.Or: the mostly canon compliant one where Zayn and Liam need to get their shit together, but Zayn is stubborn and Liam is broken.





	1. July 17th, 2015

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I am American, so I do not know everything about England, Ireland, or any other foreign countries mentioned in this fic.  
> This is a work of fiction, and is not intended to accurately represent any of the people mentioned or their lives.

July 17th, 2015

Sometimes, you never know how high up you are until you're falling and you realize what a long way down it is.

At least, that's what Liam thinks, as he's humming softly to himself and scribbling down lyrics for another song, hopefully one that'll make their album, because it's not even finished and he loves it.

He loves this song.

This song brings back the ache in his heart like it was just yesterday that their world in One Direction as they know it had shattered. This song forces him to face that, yeah, maybe the fall from their peak of success to an indefinite hiatus will break them all when they hit the bottom and they'll never reach the top again. This song is everything he's never said before, never wanted to admit to himself or the other lads, never wanted to face. And he loves it.  
He loves the way the words stream from his heart to his hand onto the page; loves the way it makes his chest ache; loves the way the song is intimate yet distant all at once, with the way its lyrics start out cryptic then get painfully honest; loves the way that the song means something secretly, painfully intimate to him and will to the other lads as well when they read the lyrics.

It's not healthy, how he loves this song, and management has warned them over and over again not to get too open, too intimate with their writing, but honestly, if Liam can't be anything other than open and honest to the world, to their fans, he doesn't want to write at all. So he writes cryptic lyrics, often with Louis' help, that, if interpreted right, will get across their feelings, their problems; but if not, will come across as just another song about broken relationships and such. And sometimes that's all the songs are about, broken relationships, but at other times, with songs like this one, there's a hidden, underlying meaning.  
Liam wonders to himself if anyone will catch the real meaning of the song as he takes a picture of the page of lyrics with his iPhone and sends it to Louis.

A few moments later, his phone rings, and he answers it. "Hey, Lou."

"Oh. My. Gosh. Liam, yes. That song is going on our album if I have to die to get it on there."

"I hope you won't have to." Liam laughs, immensely relieved because for a moment he was wondering if Louis wouldn't get it, but now he realizes that the thought shouldn't have even crossed his mind because of course Louis gets it. Louis gets everything Liam writes, and

Liam gets everything Louis writes. It's why they're so good at writing songs together, despite their daily clashes of personality. "You like it? It's called 'Long Way Down'."

"I love it. Gosh, Liam, it's everything we haven't been able to say to anyone because management's afraid of ruining our image, and starting more fights with _him_. It's amazing. And the other lads will love it too, I just know it."

Liam breathes out a sigh of half relief and half dread. "Let's hope management doesn't catch the real meaning of the lyrics."

Louis snorts. "Please. They haven't wised up to our tricks yet. They'll just see the song as another about a broken relationship, and if they ask, that's what we'll tell them."

"But, Lou," Liam begins, about to protest because he really doesn't want to lie about this song, doesn't want to put false speculation out there, but Louis cuts him off.

"It's not really a lie, Liam. It is about a broken relationship, at least partially, in a way."

Liam thinks that over, and realizes that Louis has a point, so he nods and says, "Okay, then. Yeah. That's what we'll do."

There's a moment of silence, then Louis requests "Hey, can you sing what you have so far for me?"

"Um, yeah. Just let me grab my guitar. I've got some chords scribbled down as well," Liam says, fumbling around for his guitar and positioning it in his lap. He's been taking lessons from Niall for a while now, and has gotten relatively good, so he's taken to playing the guitar parts in some of their songs. "Um. Here goes."

Liam strums a few chords with slight hesitation, then starts out softly, "We made a fire, went down in the flames. We sailed the ocean, and drowned in a wave."

Louis catches onto the tune fairly quickly, and harmonizes as Liam continues, "Built a cathedral, but we never prayed. We had it all, yeah, and we walked away."

Now Louis falls silent, and Liam continues on his own, voice getting a bit louder, "Point of no return and now it's just too late to turn around. I try to forgive you but I don't know how."

His voice catches a bit at the last part, because it's about _him_ , and no matter how hard he tries he just can't get over what _he_ did. It's been three months, and it still gets to him.

Clearing his throat in an attempt to get rid of the tightness he feels in his throat and chest, he keeps singing, "We built it up so high and now I'm falling, it's a long way down. Such a long way down, from here."

Liam's voice trails off, and he clears his throat again before saying into the phone, "That's all I've got. Thought I'd get some help from you, you lazy bum."

Louis snickers, and says with a fond smile in his voice, "Let's get writing, then."

Liam puts Louis on speaker and places his phone on the bed beside himself, and the two stay up until midnight working out song lyrics and guitar chords.

"Recording session tomorrow afternoon, yeah?" Liam suggests, rubbing his eyes blearily.

"Yeah," Louis agrees, somehow sounding as wide awake and chipper as ever. "Can't wait for the other lads to hear it. They'll love it, and hopefully management will approve the song. It'll be ace if they do."

"Mmhmm," Liam hums, standing to put his guitar away and place the sheets of lyrics and chords on his desk. "Gonna go to bed now. See you tomorrow, Lou. I'll text the other lads to let them know, you call management and arrange the recording session."

"Oh, so I get the hard job?" Louis complains good-naturedly, and Liam just grins, switching the lights off and flopping down onto his bed after yanking his shirt off and changing into a pair of joggers to sleep in.

"Oh yeah, you do. It's your turn."

Louis makes an exasperated noise, but Liam can hear the smile in his voice as he says,

"Night, Li."

"Night, Lou."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Liam texts Niall and Harry when he gets up in the morning around eight, right after going for his morning run and taking a shower. He gets a reply of "k hope you got somethin good !" from Niall almost immediately, and receives a "Okay, see you later :)" nearly a half hour later from Harry. Louis had scheduled the recording session for two in the afternoon, so Liam spends the rest of the morning making minor adjustments to the song before stuffing the papers into his pocket and heading for the studio around 1:30.

He arrives first, as always, and Niall arrives a few minutes later, followed by Harry, and five minutes later, Louis arrives.

"Right, then. You're all here. What's up?" Julian asks, and in answer, Liam pulls the neatly folded papers from his pocket.

"Lou and I wrote a new song last night, and we want it to be on the album."

Julian's brow furrows slightly, but he nods. "And do the other boys agree?"

Liam passes the papers to Niall, who scans them and nods before handing them to Harry, who reads them and says slowly, "Yeah, Niall and I agree. This should be on the album."

Julian takes the papers and reads through the lyrics, a hint of something Liam can't quite interpret flickering on his face and after a long moment, he finally nods once more. "Right... I think this is fine. Let's get recording."

Liam exhales a long breath that he hadn't realized he had been holding, and grins at Louis who mouths, _See? I was right!_

It takes about an hour for them to figure out the harmonies and learn their parts, and Liam isn't surprised when he has some difficulty with his own parts. His voice catches at certain lyrics, and at one point he has to stop singing and blink back tears, but when they finally do start the final recording and it all begins to fall together... honestly, Liam is blown away. The song is more intense and emotional than he thought it would be, with all of them singing their hearts out with such passion that even Julian is surprised.

"Wow. That was....wow. This is a great song," Julian says and Liam just nods because, of course, he already knows that. He knew that it would be a great song from the moment he started writing it. "It's definitely going on the album."

Louis shoots Liam a grin, and Liam grins back at him. He has to admit, Louis was right. The real meaning of the song went right over Julian's head, and they're getting the song on the album.


	2. February 3rd, 2016

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: this fic is relatively canon compliant, but I have taken the liberty of removing Cheryl's existence in Liam's life and a few other things, so if you notice something wrong or out of place, it's totally intentional for the story's sake :)

February 3rd, 2016 

It's been a few months since "Made in the A.M." was released, and "Long Way Down" has made enough of a splash that Ellen DeGeneres comments on it in the interview that management has somehow forced them into doing with her. Technically, they're on hiatus. But then they get the call from management, they all head for LA - Niall from Ireland, where he was visiting his family, Louis is already in LA spending time with his newborn son, and Harry and Liam from London where they've really just been messing about in the studio. 

"So let's talk about one of your tracks off your new album, "Made in the A.M.", Ellen says, crossing her legs and leaning forward slightly. 

"Which one? There are several," Niall grins, and Ellen fires back, "Wait a moment and I'll tell you." 

Louis hoots and smacks Niall on the arm, and Niall good-naturedly laughs. They all like Ellen, always have, because she can take their barter and dish it just as wall as they do.  
"The track I want to talk about is "Long Way Down", "Ellen finally says, after waiting for Niall and Louis to settle down. "Its lyrics have been a bit of a controversy since the album came out, so tell me, just what is the song about?" 

They all glance at each other, and Liam clears his throat and says slowly, "It's about a broken relationship. How you're together, and you feel like you're on top of the world, then one person decides to leave and the other person is just... gutted. They're falling and it's such a long way down, and they don't know if they can survive the fall or not." 

"And what relationship is it about, exactly?" Ellen presses. "Liam, you and Louis wrote the song, so it would appear to be about one of your relationships. Care to elaborate on that for us?" 

Now Harry jumps in, "We believe that a song means something different to everyone, so if we did write a song about someone or an event in our lives, unless that person wants to tell everyone about it, it should remain intimate just to them and the song can have its own meaning to everyone else." 

"I can understand that," Ellen nods. "But it might be in your best interest to clear this up, because rumors have started that it's about Zayn Malik leaving the band." 

They all share another glance, and while Liam is slightly relieved that the song's message got across to some people, he's also a bit on edge because he hadn't expected to be confronted about it on American television of all places. 

"It might be, and it might not be," Louis says evasively. "If that's what the song means to some people, then they're welcome to think of it that way." 

"But is it?" Ellen pushes even more, and Liam knows that she's not going to let up. Now they have three options: one, continue to be evasive and look like they're hiding something; two, confirm that the song is bout Zayn and have to face management's wrath; or three, straight out say that the song isn't about Zayn and have the whole reason for writing the song gone, just like that. So Liam weighs the options and sighs, because he knows that there's only one option that won't weigh on his heart, and when he glances over at Louis and receives a slight nod, he knows that Louis knows exactly what he's going to do. So he does it. 

"Umm... yes. The song is about Zayn leaving the band." 

His words thicken the tension in the room, because of his admission and because this is the first time he's said Zayn's name since Zayn left. Ellen looks surprised, she obviously hadn't expected him to admit to it, but she recovers quickly. 

"Oh, well then... that certainly clears things up." 

And now she's making a slight hand signal to a man off set, who hurries out, and Liam's suspicions are aroused because he knows what that hand signal means. It means that they're going to bring someone else onstage. 

Liam sees Harry tense in his spot between Louis and Niall, hears him murmur "They wouldn't", and immediately grasps what's going through their youngest bandmate's head. He thinks management has set them up, and is desperately hoping otherwise. Judging by the looks on Louis' and Niall's faces, they've reached the same conclusion, and the tension in the room thickens even more as they all press a bit closer together on the couch, like they always do when they're about to go through something rough. 

_They wouldn't do this,_ Louis mouths to Liam who shrugs helplessly. Unfortunately, they would, because Ellen announces, "So now, let's welcome our guest for today, Zayn Malik!", and Zayn walks out onto the stage, smiling and waving at the audience. 

Liam's world freezes. 

Zayn's dressed in a white T-shirt and black skinny jeans, along with his signature black leather jacket and a pair of white Converse. His hair is styled in a quiff, the thick soft locks of ebony hair buzzed on the sides, and... he looks happy. 

Tense, but happy. 

Louis mumbles an "Oh, no" as Zayn takes a seat in the chair beside their couch, right next to Liam, and smiles at Ellen. 

"Nice to see you again, Zayn," she says, clearly pleased with herself. "And it's even better to see all of the original members of One Direction together again." 

"Nice to see you too, Ellen," Zayn returns, his smile getting a bit tight at that last part. 

"So, how have you been? Having fun preparing for your new album?" Ellen continues, oblivious to the way Liam, Niall, Harry and Louis tense at that. "Have you listened to your former bandmates' new album?" 

"I've been good," Zayn says, lips curving into a smile like he really, truly has been, and Liam believes it. Zayn looks happier than he did in his final days with the band. "Writing and recording for my new album has been a blast." 

Liam notes the way he easily evades Ellen's last question, and Ellen must, too, because she repeats, "And have you listened to your former bandmate's new album?"  
Zayn's smile fades a little as he's pushed into a corner, forced to answer, and he says slowly,

"Yeah, I have. Some of the songs, at least." 

"And what did you think?" Ellen questions, and Zayn shrugs indifferently.

"It was... okay. A bit cliché-ish, in my opinion, but it's hard to break away from what's been ingrained in you to sing for the past five years. Well, not for me, that is." 

None of them miss the subtle dig at One Direction's music, and Louis bites out, "Well, we can't all sing about having angry sex all day." 

Liam winces at the way that wipes the smile off Zayn's face, because ouch. That was a lot less subtle than Zayn's comment, and a lot more hurtful because for Zayn, that song represents the final step to being completely free from the boy band image he's been forced into for so long. So Liam jumps in with a warning look to Louis, "I listened to that song, actually. "PILLOWTALK", right? Got some pretty mad vocals on it." 

None of them miss the utter surprise on Zayn's face at Liam's compliment, or the caution in Zayn's voice as he replies. "Yeah, I guess. Got some better stuff coming, though." 

"I bet," and now it's Niall joining Liam in the older boy's attempt to keep the peace, "You've always had an amazing voice. Never could hit your high notes, mate." 

Zayn looks unsure of himself and slightly unsettled for the first time since he walked onstage, his professional mask slipping a bit to reveal his obvious confusion at the turn this interview has taken. Knowing Zayn like he does, Liam figures that the older boy was mentally prepared for verbal battle, and Liam and Niall's compliments have obviously caught him off guard. But then. 

"Liam can sing the high notes just as well as you could, of course," Louis jumps in. "We actually don't need your vocals. Harry's got your riffs covered as well." 

"Nice to know I'm not needed anymore, the feeling is reciprocated," Zayn shoots back icily, mask sliding back into place, and Liam is mentally berating Louis. 

Harry must see the frustration on Louis' face because he gently nudges Louis, leaning over and murmuring something in his ear. Whatever Harry's saying, it makes Louis relax slightly and mumble, "Sorry, Zayn. That was... uncalled for." 

And this is why they sit the way they do during interviews: Louis on one end, with Harry seated beside him because their youngest bandmate is usually the only one who can cool Louis's hot temper; Niall between Harry and Liam, purely for the purpose of moral support because that's what Niall does, he supports them when they need it, and Liam on the other end, holding them all together, balancing out Louis's temper with his calm attempts to retain the peace. 

Zayn looks taken aback at Louis's apology, because now he looks like the bad guy, so he shrugs and says, "No problem. I'm sorry too." 

"Well, isn't this nice," Ellen gushes, "You're all being civil to each other." Then, turning to the camera, she says, "See? It's not all fights and war between the current members of One Direction and former bandmate Zayn Malik." 

The comment causes uneasy smiles, and Liam almost laughs because she really doesn't know. Doesn't know that this is all mostly just a façade, that after this show they'll probably go back to hating each other, that Liam's heartache expressed in "Long Way Down," is all too real, that this is just a step toward peace that will be countered later by two steps backward. 

To Liam's complete and utter relief, the rest of the interview goes relatively smoothly, and the second it's over Louis is gone, rushing offstage and out the exit door with Harry on his heels, beginning what sounds like a long bit of the philosophical wisdom that he's always throwing at them. Niall, to his credit, stays with Liam, even when Zayn approaches them and gives Liam a half smile. 

"Umm... thanks for holding the peace, Liam, otherwise that interview would've gone to pieces. I honestly had no idea it was you guys that I would be guest starring with." 

"No problem," Liam mumbles, dropping his gaze to the floor because honestly, this is too much for one day. After not seeing Zayn or speaking to him for months, suddenly he has to see him and talk to him and act like nothing's wrong, all in one day. And it's too much. 

There's a hand on his shoulder, Niall's, and Liam's incredibly grateful as the blonde Irish boy tells Zayn, "We're gonna go now. Sorry, but... it's been a long day." 

"Okay," Zayn nods, and when Liam glances up, he makes the mistake of rating Zayn's eyes. They're filled with hope as Zayn continues, "Call me, maybe?" 

Liam's never been able to deny Zayn, or any of the other boys, really, when they give him that wide-eyed look filled with hope, so he gives Zayn a slight nod, murmuring, "Maybe."

 

**Author's Note:**

> Snapchat: @nialler_live (add to see all of Niall’s performances)
> 
> Instagram: @niallerisababe, @nialler_live


End file.
